I can't live my life like that. It is preposterous and impossible to do so. Not now when I have nothing to lose. Not now that everything is coming to an end. It doesn't matter what other people think of what you say. It doesn't matter what other people do in return of your favor. Nothing matters as long as you are not being hesitant of doing something you ought to do. Nothing else matters unless you are trying the possibilities of living a moment. What happens is not in your control but you can try and changing the course of the future in your favor.
Thats all that matters. Trying.